Remembering...

This week Ray and I put up the Christmas tree, we put on some holiday music and I started decorating the tree. I realized that the last time my hands had touched the ornaments, one year ago, had been a sad time for me. It was our 3rd Christmas with no baby and I was still not pregnant, I had one infertility surgery under my belt and had been on Clomid for several cycles with no luck yet. For some reason, Christmas had been my time stamp. I would start each year and think "by Christmas, I'll either be pregnant or have a baby", but then that Christmas would come and I still wouldn't have either. The holidays were hard for me, as they are for a lot of people with infertility. There are reminders everywhere of what you still do not have. Perhaps the hardest, is all the holiday cards that come in the mail, with your friends or family showing off their beautiful families and new babies or growing children. December was pure torture for me, I couldn't wait for Christmas to be over and January to begin. This Christmas is different for both Ray and I. We have something to be really happy about this time. The beautiful miracle I carry in me, our son. I wish I could give this gift of happiness and hope to everyone.

This holiday season, I want to acknowledge all the people still suffering and struggling with infertility and those grieving from pregnancy loss or the loss of a child. I know what an especially hard time of year this is for them and my heart goes out to them.