You know the old saying, "it takes a village"? Well, I want my village and I want it now! Why on earth did we think it was such a good idea to get away from everyone; our family and friends and isolate ourselves so that the brunt of all every day tasks, including raising our children was solely on one person; us? I don't know about you, but my husband works late evenings and every weekend; which gives me the lion's share of responsibility of childcare day after day after day. Please don't get me wrong; I love my children more than life, but some thing's gotta give.
Two hundred; even one hundred years ago, it was normal for families to have a cook, a maid, a nanny, a yard boy, a stable lad, etc. You get the idea; many hands make light work. But now, that kind of help is only available to the uber-rich unless you live in a commune, or you have sister-wives. I'm not saying that I don't want to be involved in my children's lives every day; I do, very much. But I'd also like to have time for a shower each day for myself; for the last two and a half years, I'm lucky to have a shower every three days. I'd also like time to go to the gym and work off this baby weight (and then some) and maybe occasionally meet a girlfriend for lunch sans kids and have an enjoyable, adult conversation for an hour.
Prior to having our children, my husband and I enjoyed doing things together and apart. We are both independent souls and enjoy our freedom, and had an even balance of being away from each other and then coming together again each day. We enjoyed sharing our lives with each other without the need to be joined at the hip. But in my time of being a stay at home mom (SAHM) it feels like I'm stuck on "lather, rinse, repeat" or Groundhog Day, as I've described to my husband before. Every day is pretty much the same, with little or no adult contact for myself (unless you count The View and Oprah). My mom uniform is yoga capri pants w/tee shirt and flip flops. It makes no sense to wear anything nice since I just get spit up on several times a day, sneezed on and various other bodily fluid wiped on me. My clothes are just extensions of dish towels and kleenex. Being a SAHM is a full time job and then some all by itself, but then add to that general housework, laundry, bill paying, meals/dinner, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, etc, it's a wonder I ever have time to keep in touch w/friends via text or email, much less a phone call! (If you are talking to me on the phone, you should feel VERY special) [And if I'm out with you in person without my kids; then that is due to an act of congress and you should never doubt my love for you]
I guess I am just lacking a balance that I used to have and wishing there were other options our ancestors had. I also feel that I cannot possibly be the only one feeling this way either, right? So if you can in anyway relate to this at all, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you, even if it's just one line. I know if you are a mom like me, time is in short supply and you are probably wondering where your village is too.
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6 comments:
You are definitely not alone. I am longing for that balance you're talking about. I can't join a bookclub because I can't figure out when it is that everyone else finds time to read. The other day I swept the kitchen floor five times (after each meal and snack) with the goal of actually mopping the floor. It doesn't really take that long to mop, but naptimes are not synced right now and they wanted every single bit of my time that day. After everyone was in bed, did I mop the floor? No, because I was too tired from all the sweeping. Did I read a book? No, because I probably resorted to reading some blogs for entertainment value only and not bettering myself in the literary sense. And, then I passed out, to do it all again the next day. But, sometimes I do remember that this is much better than being at work (well, most of the time, we all have our days, right?). We should get the kids together and just let them wear each other out! I love car rides, long ones, when they fall asleep and I can just listen to music. My "social time" is a few stolen minutes on the internet. When you find a village, let me know.
I understand and I am not a mommy to little ones. Even with a teenager, it is hard to find time to do things that I would like to do - read a book, relax, take a long bath. With my hubby working nights, it is so hard to find time to see each other without a child around. I understand wanting to spend time with the kids but also wanting time with your hubby and just by yourself!
I hope you are able to get some much needed relief soon! Hugs!!
You are not alone. I stayed home with one for 19 months and started to get restless for that adult interaction and independence. I tried Mother's Day Out once a week and still not enough. SAHM is a 24 hour, never ending job. I got tired of talking to Eric about diaper blowouts, spit up, or nothing at all. Although going back to work was nice in so many ways, I lose so much time with my kids, and what time I do have, half goes to chores, grocery shopping, and the day-to-day responsibilities. Where is the happy median? But in the long run, I think working a regular hour job, Mon-Fri, was what worked out for me best. Good luck! I know I am currently looking around my house wondering when my maid is going to show up :-)
You're a great mom and you can be selfish and still be a great mom. You've put in a lot for over 2 years now, so do what is going to make you happy. Happy wife=happy life!
Girl, you are NOT alone, and I even work full time. but, I work at night, and am at home with my DS during the day many days. He does go to daycare on days when I have to sleep, but - I'm sleeping and not doing anything else for myself.
I'm getting the itch to have another baby, but I seriously do not know how we will be able to handle it, time-wise. Good luck to you, I hope you're able to find the balance you need.
Geez, I could have written this ten times over. I have these feeling every day as I 'later, rinse and repeat' with my two little ones under foot and no family nearby to help lighten my load. Hang in there... and be sure to remind me to do the same from time to time! I have to tell myself often 'this too shall pass'...
OMG. I feel the same way! I know we moved [away from family] for a better standard of living, but I feel so alone sometimes. Like, would *love* to have a date with the hubby, but I don't have a babysitter...or really, I don't like bothering other people and I spend so little time with the kids during the week (work) that I feel like I am abandoning them when I want to do things like that.
Then, I would love to not have to get so overwhelmed that I need to take a "personal day" from work in order to clean a toilet at home (without interruption from the kids)! *ugh* You are so not alone.
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